


if Heaven could be so sweet to us (or 95 lives)

by blushingprince



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Office, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Azure Moon Route, Blood, Boss/Employee Relationship, Canonical Character Death, Crimson Flower Route, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Mutual Pining, Pre-Canon, Reincarnation, Unrequited Love, Weddings, sort of a time loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:28:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24205918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blushingprince/pseuds/blushingprince
Summary: where Felix sides with Edelgard in Crimson flower and realizes his mistakes once Dimitri dies and the lives they could have lived out together are explored in a time loop theory setting (reincarnation fic)
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	if Heaven could be so sweet to us (or 95 lives)

**Author's Note:**

> "I would always find you,"

There were no easy choices in war. But for Felix, the choices positioned themselves before any such battle. They traced themselves far back to when the boar had revealed his true colors and betrayed him. Yes, it was a betrayal. Felix had thought he had known all there was about a man, a prince, his closest friend, and one battle changed everything. The true beast bled with fresh colors of carnage and disaster. Felix distanced himself. Two years was not enough to process all the cracks that had bloomed in this disarray of a relationship. He found himself at the academy but lacked any confidence in Dimitri’s leadership or persona. There were choices to be made - so many choices. Could he ever truly accept who Dimitri was? Even if he watched him closely enough to scan what the beast was up to. It wasn’t any easier with Sylvain and Ingrid’s prying eyes and demanding questions. Felix found it more and more difficult to answer to his duty as a Fraldarius. Time ticked on in the year, and he could only see flesh being carved up when he looked into the boar’s eyes. 

A quiet night. A simple resolution. He didn’t even exchange words with Sylvain and Ingrid. Just like that, he was under a new leader. In the coming months, when war broke out, he wouldn’t have time to react to being pulled apart from his most precious companions. His allegiances were different now. 

The war dragged on for years. Felix hadn’t heard from any of his old friends, let alone did he know if they were alive. He shed his Fraldarius title to fight in Edelgard’s army. The true purpose sometimes left him feeling forlorn as battle after battle overtook him, but he kept on swinging his sword - it was quite the only thing he knew how to do. Everyone else rejoiced. Felix swallowed what had been important to him long ago and closed his eyes. The war surged on, a powerful vein of energy threatening the whole of Fodlan, and Felix knew that the threat of Dimitri still existed in the back of his mind. Whether these were the right questions to call were not his choices to make, as he was simply a tool for battle. He was a warrior, after all. 

The battle for Fhirdhiad was gruesome and ugly. Felix slashed through Faerghus knights one after the other with barely any second thoughts. Memories of his hometown threatened to surge in onto his mind and crack his composure. It was then that King Dimitri appeared, alongside his own trusted allies, allies that Felix had once called his own. Felix could make out the Eagle’s war cry, hear the desperation in the battle and the momentum. He could feel the urgency and necessity of taking life. He had once stood alongside them but now he was their enemy and he would obey that. He was a tool for battle. Blood would be spilled, territory would be won over, and that was it. His father already lay dead and there was no meaning in playing childhood games anymore. Felix once again picked up his sword and prepared for the words, his heart trembling faintly.

He didn’t quite expect it to end like this. Edelgard’s axe. Dimitri’s head. Muffled sounds of her sobs as she stood there and watched him bleed. He was nothing more than a corpse now, but he somehow looked more alive than ever. Felix felt frozen in time. Dimitri. Dimitri.  _ Dimitri. Dimitri. Dimitri. Dima.  _ He was dead. He was surely dead and would never awaken. The cold tears of his now companions only made this moment more real. Was this what he truly wanted? For Dimitri to be slain? Was this the future he had envisioned? He couldn’t help remember Dimitri of the past, Dimitri of before it all started going wrong. Was this where it was supposed to end up? What else did he expect, though? He was the one that joined Edelgard’s army. What other sorts of results did he  _ expect? _ Looking at Dimitri’s limp, pale body, he couldn’t help but wish for a different outcome - a different world where the two of them could have simply reconciled their differences.  _ A boar doesn’t change, though. _ Stupid, Felix! Maybe if you would have just talked to him… Maybe instead of insulting him all the time and calling him names… Maybe if the Dimitri who you called a boar truly was the same boy you grew up with….What life they could have led... together….

He’s dead.  _ He’s dead now. It doesn’t matter. He’ll never wake up again. _

  
  


Felix desperately crawled down to the rubble where Dimitri’s body lay and wrapped his arms around the carcass. “Dimitri….Dimitri….Dimitri….” he began to call out.

The body didn’t respond. The skin was cold and unresponsive. Blood spilled out of the wound on his neck. 

Felix let out a blood-curdling sob.

If only things were different. If only he could turn back time and change his mind about abandoning Dimitri. He couldn’t change the fact that Dimitri lay here dead before him. Maybe, in another lifetime, the two of them could be alive and well together. He remembered the boy he once cherished and wished to just see him alive once more. The weight of the night swelled on him as if he carried the moon on his back and Felix looked upwards for answers. Memories of Dimitri seemed to swirl together in a hazy fuzz of what happened and what used to be. _What could have been?_ _What might have been?_ Felix closed his eyes and let the fresh drizzle of the night fall on him. It could be blood for all he cared. It seemed almost ridiculous, but maybe in another lifetime, he and Dimitri could have found their answers. He could have finally put aside their differences and treated Dimitri like a man. There was no pulse in Dimitri’s dead fingertips anymore. The rain continued to beat down on Felix and he allowed himself to relish in the idea that somehow, somewhere, maybe they were happy. Maybe, just alive. Maybe that was enough for now. 

  
  


_____________________

Felix is a teenager and Dimitri is a little bit too much and not enough at the same time. They’re at Dimitri’s estate and had decided to spar - Felix’s idea, of course. He always wanted to test his ability and Dimitri was a great sparring partner. Dimitri attacked head-on and met Felix with almost all of his strength; he was much stronger than he looked and it took Felix everything he had to return each blow. Dimitri is at once charming and terrifying to Felix. 

Dimitri is, of course, Felix's closest childhood friend. But that’s the thing. He saw Felix too well. He saw through all of Felix’s bullshit and knew him in all the ways he did not want to be known - he broke open the facade that Felix set up meticulously and it drove him crazy. And Dimitri is polite, charming, and kind. The combination put butterflies in Felix’s stomach and made his head ache. How can someone be so dazzling? And yet he is the crown prince set to take over Faerghus when he reaches of age. Felix doesn’t realize at one point he started admiring Dimitri so much and how the thought of losing him is immensely terrifying. 

“What’s wrong, Felix?” Dimitri challenged, his wooden sword clashing against Felix’s. “You’re head’s not in this.”

Felix burned and reached his sword in a thrust towards the prince. “Nonsense. Do not belittle me,”

Dimitri gave a small smile and returned the blow with full force. “You know you can always tell me anything,”

A confusing mix of irritation and embarrassment flowed through Felix. How does Dimitri always know? How does he have the right to see through him? The ending result is anger. Felix double-stepped back from Dimitri. “I am  _ tired _ of you  _ reading  _ me like some fucking book all the time! Who makes a habit of studying people like that? It’s sick!” he snapped. 

Dimitri’s face contorted into sad confusion. His free hand started to rise towards Felix. “Felix, I only…”

Felix dropped the wooden sword and stormed off. He can’t look at Dimitri right now. He is too confused, too in need of answers. Dimitri is some sort of out of reach star he’ll never quite catch. And yet, he can’t quite understand his own feelings towards the subject matter. Dimitri always seems to see through him, and it pleases and irks him just the same. He settled down on a spot near the lake and wondered why he’s even stupid enough to pick a fight with Dimitri in the first place.  _ What if he never came back? _

Surely enough, the young prince found Felix brooding near the lake, a soft smile, and a sigh in tow.  _ Oh, Felix.  _ Dimitri considered himself polite but he could not imagine doing this for anyone else. He only wondered if Felix would realize that he was special. Dimitri tried to calm the fluttering affection and concern for the Fraldarius boy in his heart and walked over to him. 

“Felix,”

“...Dimitri,”

Dimitri sat down next to him. Oh, would Felix ever know how precious he was? He could hold his hand just this moment. But no, that would scare him….Dimitri hoped that Felix did not entirely hate him yet. “Felix, I didn’t mean to upset you…. I’m sorry,”

“Dima,” Felix nearly whispers, and Dimitri melted into that name, because it’s been maybe two years since Felix has called him that.

“It’s just scary that you know me so well. But I don’t want to…. lose that….”

“Me neither,” Dimitri agreed.

Their hands were side by side, and if Dimitri pretended, he was holding Felix. He had no idea what the future held, or the evils that lay in it. The evils that would tear his and Felix’s friendship apart. Their paths won’t always necessarily connect. He didn’t realize how truly frightening that was.

_____________________

  
  


“Can I come in?” Felix asked. The door to Dimitri’s study is closed shut as usual.

“You know you don’t have to ask,” came the reply, and Felix opened the door.

Felix walked into Dimitri's study, a very regal affair with a fine mahogany desk in the center. The drapes were drawn - after all, it was late evening - and the fireplace was lit. At the desk sat Dimitri, king of Faerghus, overworking himself as usual. He had quill and ink out and was writing up some sort of document. Felix frowned. 

“Overworking yourself is a bad idea,”

“I have an obligation to my people, Felix.” Dimitri chided.

Felix watched Dimitri. His eye bags were coming back. His fist was so tightly wound around the quill. He looked like he needed a good night’s rest. Or maybe five. “ It’s time to call it a night. You’ve already made splendid progress in the kingdom so far,”

A thick cloak wrapped around Dimitri’s shoulders. It would surely snow tonight. “....not enough. The people need me. They expect more. I owe it to them.”

Felix sighed. He knew this sort of thing would happen eventually. Yes, Dimitri was expected to take the throne and it was something he wanted, but it was also an obligation that weighed heavily on him. He so earnestly wanted to be a good king and fulfill all of his responsibilities. These sorts of things weren’t good for his mental health….

Felix paced around the room, making way behind the desk. “There is a time to stop,” his voice resounded firmly. 

The clutch around the quill was released, albeit slowly. Dimitri’s body heaved. “Felix, I just…. I want to do my duty.”

“I know. That’s why you’re listening to me.”

Dimitri paused. And then after a moment of silence, he began. “At the least….I owe you an apology,”

Felix stopped pacing and faced Dimitri. “Oh that’s rich. What for?”

“....You stay with me…. I didn’t want to have to be your obligation. I wanted you to be free to choose whatever path you wished.” 

How could Dimitri possibly be so stupid? And yet it was clear as day how oblivious he was. Felix seethed thinking that Dimitri was thinking Felix did this out of pity.

“That’s it?” Felix asked, voice high and irritated. “You listen here Dimitri Alexandre Blaidydd. I  _ chose _ you. You’re my burden and my choice. It was always my decision to be loyal to you. You’re the only king I follow.”

“Felix...I didn’t….I didn’t realize you felt this way.” Dimitri responded, a wistful look in his eye.

Felix couldn’t hold it in anymore. They had been dancing around each other for months after the war ended and he only wanted to do this once. If Dimitri rejected him, he'd simply live with it. 

Felix leaned down and kissed Dimitri. A kiss full of yearning and wasted chances. Dimitri pulled him down into his lap and deepened the kiss, opening up Felix’s mouth and kissing him like he was a starving man and Felix was the only sustenance on the Earth.

____________________

Dimitri exited his office and found his way to Felix’s desk. It had become a sort of usual pattern for him in the past few months, trying to make conversation with the dark-haired and irritable yet ever so adorable man in the workplace. Yes, he knew that technically he had to keep his boundaries, as he was the manager here, but Felix was simply too enticing to resist sometimes. Images of last night played over in his mind. Vivid images of Felix with his hair down, bent over, beneath him, grasping for purchase and come over with pleasure. Dimitri reveled in the memory but tried to take it from his mind - he was looking for the man after all. As much as last night was a good time - a wonderful time - he was afraid that Felix would start avoiding him now. 

Surely enough, Felix was not at his desk as usual. Dimitri saw Sylvain, who usually sat next to Felix instead. A sly grin met the redhead’s face and a part of Dimitri inwardly died.  _ There’s no way he knows. _

“So… you and Felix, huh?”

Dimitri did his best to keep his face neutral. “That’s preposterous,”

Sylvain’s grin only curled upwards. “Really? Or have you been making goo-goo eyes at Felix for the past couple of months and everybody but Felix noticed?”

Dimitri scoffed. “I’m only checking up on my employees.”

“I guess that’s the  _ official  _ story,” Sylvain laughed.

Dimitri wanted to find Felix. He left Sylvain and wandered through the office space - it was a rather large, open concept feel with broad windows. In truth, he honestly wanted to get to know Felix but Felix had only given him one night and then left when they were done. He didn’t want to abuse his powers… he didn’t want this to be weird….he simply felt a pull towards Felix that he couldn’t explain. Maybe it was his fiery eyes and fierce words; Dimitri didn’t know. He also knew that he couldn’t put Felix in a compromising position. Maybe they could just talk….

Felix stood by the espresso machine setting up a drink that looked like he badly needed. Dimitri appeared from behind and only watched the process of him pulling the shot and preparing a drink. As Felix turned around, he noticed the blonde man and stalled. Dimitri inwardly winced.

“What do you want, Dimitri?” Felix spat out.

“I just...I just wanted a chance to talk. You left in the middle of the night and…”

“Hey!” Felix pointed a finger at him, coffee cup in hand, and then glanced around to see if anyone could potentially hear them, “You’re my manager, what do you expect? Nothing could come from this? Don’t wax poetic about a one night stand.”

“But I thought….” Dimitri began.

“You thought you were more special than that, huh?” Felix sipped his coffee and glared at Dimitri. His look softened a bit for a moment. “You are… special… but things between us aren’t going to work.”

“Because I’m your manager,”

“Duh! Read the employee handbook,” Felix rolled his eyes. 

“I thought you were a rule breaker, Felix,” Dimitri muttered slyly.

Felix raised an eyebrow. “Oh, now you’re challenging me? What’s so special about me anyways that you can’t find in someone else?”

Dimitri stepped closer, dangerously close, with his mouth over Felix’s ear and his hand in his hair. “Do you want me to remind you of last night?”

Felix swallowed, thinking of the frenzied night they had and all the ways Dimitri took him. Dimitri pulled on his ponytail and whispered once more. “I like your hair better when it’s down,”

Felix found himself blushing and wanting the other man’s touch to which Dimitri walked away and gave him a professional wave.  _ The bastard. _

______________________

  
  


It was just another day at work for Felix. He was busy making espresso drinks with the usual trickle of customers in their small cafe. The other baristas on the shift - Ingrid and Sylvain - were tolerable. Ingrid had a good work ethic and would clean nearly anything. Sylvain loved to work on the register, which Felix detested, but he flirted up a storm and somehow ended up bringing in more business. Felix had this job for about a year and didn’t really care either way. He’d only been doing it to pay for the bills, not make friends. Truthfully, he did enjoy making espresso drinks and the intricacies of the espresso bar. But talking to people was not his forte and customers could be a pain in the ass. He hated listening to their problems and when they insulted his  _ creations.  _

It was about lunchtime, and there was a steady stream of customers entering in and ordering, though not as busy as morning time. Felix made himself busy and ignored the rest of the world. A tall blonde man entered the cafe, dressed luxuriously with an expensive coat. Sylvain elbowed Felix and whispered, “It’s your boyfriend,”

“For the last time, he’s not my fucking boyfriend,” Felix hissed back.

Said blonde man had been a regular at the cafe for a few weeks. Whenever he came in, he often ordered something different, as if he didn’t quite know what he liked. As his drink was being made, instead of looking at his phone or staring into the distance, he always watched Felix making drinks and on a few occasions had tried to make conversation with him - which always ended poorly. This resulted in Sylvain jumping to conclusions and assuming the man had a crush on Felix. 

“First of all, that’s a stupid idea, because I’m just here making drinks and I don’t even look good. I haven’t said anything to him. He’d have to be an utter dumbass to have a crush on me. Sylvain, you’re delusional and bored.” Felix elaborated.

Ingrid chimed in. “I honestly think he doesn’t know what he likes so maybe he’s looking for recommendations? But it is interesting that he always tries talking to Felix,” 

The blonde man stepped in line and waited to order. 

“One medium dry cappuccino, please,”

“To go or for here?” Sylvain asked.

“For here.”

“And your name...it’s Dimitri, right?”

“Yes, thank you,” Dimitri gave a warm smile and tipped him generously. He moved to the front of the cafe, a seat that still showcased the bar, and sat down. 

Felix prepared the cappuccino like any other, steaming the milk just as long as he needed to and pouring the espresso and milk into the porcelain cups the cafe had. He then came to the dawning realization that he had to bring the cup over to the man. Felix grumbled. Fuckin Sylvain. He placed the perfect cappuccino down on a platter and walked over to the table. “One medium dry cappuccino, for Dimitri,”

A smile lit up on Dimitri’s face. “Thank you,” 

Felix didn’t know why he looked so fucking happy but he went back to the bar.

An hour or two later and Dimitri popped his head over to where Felix was. “I just wanted to say...that was one of the best cappuccinos I’ve ever had,”

A light went off in Felix’s brain. Someone was complimenting his craft? “Uh… well, thanks,” 

“What’s your secret, Felix?” Dimitri asked. Felix had to take a moment to realize Dimitri knew his name and then he remembered he was wearing a nametag.

“Well….it’s a variety of things. The beans we get are very high quality. The time you have to take to aerate the milk is definitely something. The milk isn’t cheap either.” As Felix listed off the variety of things he did to prepare a drink, he couldn’t help but notice how handsome Dimitri was. He looked about the same age, too. How had he not realized this before? He felt slightly flushed like he might lash out at any moment to compensate.

“Hey, I’ll see you tomorrow, if you’re here tomorrow,” Dimitri smiled. 

“Oh, yeah, I’m here like every day,” Felix told him. And then he was gone. 

Sylvain crept up close to him and whispered, “boyfriend,”

“Shut up,”

But Dimitri did stay true to his word. He kept showing up day after day and Felix was somehow interested when they talked about coffee and his latte art. Felix introduced him to new drinks and made recommendations. Dimitri laughed, and he was beautiful. Felix had to wonder what type of life Dimitri led to spend all his time in this tiny old cafe buying cappuccinos. He did look incredibly well dressed and always brought something to read. Felix just had to wonder. But spending time with Dimitri turned out to be the most enjoyable effect of the job. They eventually exchanged numbers and began to text nonstop. Felix wondered when Sylvain’s definition of “boyfriend” would apply. Dimitri became an increasingly important part of his life. 

And then Dimitri came in one day and seemed rather somber. It was towards the end of winter. Felix sat down at a table with him - the cafe was basically dead. Something seemed off with Dimitri. Felix didn’t know what to do. He was at a loss. 

“Do you want me to get you something to drink?”

“No, no, it’s okay, Felix. I appreciate it.”

Felix felt at even more a loss. He was bad with this kind of stuff - emotions. 

“I really enjoy spending time with you, Felix,” Dimitri finally said.

“I do, too,” Felix told him.

“But I…my family is leaving town,”

“...When?”

“At the end of the week. We have to move business somewhere else, or so they say.”

“Hey,” and Felix got suddenly intense, not caring that other people were watching, “we have cellphones and computers and stuff. We’ll text each other and facetime. If you drop off the face of this Earth, I’ll find you and kill you,” Dimitri smiled. 

Dimitri wrapped his arms around Felix and kissed him gently. “I don’t know what I’d do without you in this life, or any other life,” 

_____________________

  
  


They had never quite been able to talk about their feelings, and Felix assumed they had all the time in the world after the war, but that wasn’t truly the case. Maybe Dimitri never loved him back, or maybe Dimitri gave up on that love, or maybe…..politics were more important. Whatever it was, Felix felt defeated, like his world was falling apart and someone was pulling his heart apart.. It was true - there was nothing he could do about it - Dimitri was marrying one of the duke’s daughters in a few days’ time and he could not stop it. It was too late for romance. Felix knew that Dimitri wanted to unify the kingdom more than anything. He only wished he was more important to the man. 

The following week flashed before his eyes. Preparations for the royal wedding were in full flush and everything had to be perfect. Felix sulked. He was in denial but he knew this was truly happening and that he had to be there. Sylvain had patted him on the back knowingly, somehow having grasped that Felix was in love with the king but unable to truly verbalize it, but everyone else was going on with the plans in full thrust. And then the day arrived.

The royal chapel looked absolutely stunning, with magical lights hung everywhere and springs of flowers dangling. Everything had been prepared to perfection. Large bouquets were arranged and music had been written for the occasion. A fine Faerghus suit was tailored for Dimitri, cream-colored, a high collar, and blue pants. His bride had been given a traditional royal wedding dress, dressed in the finest silks and laces. The wedding had been planned down to the smallest details. Guests of political importance and dignity were invited. 

The day of, Felix watched the suit that had been prepared for him across the room, unable to change into it or accept this was truly happening. Didn’t he owe it to Dimitri to simply show up at his wedding and offer good faith, after everything that had happened in the war? But didn’t Dimitri owe it to him to honor their feelings, after everything they’d gone through in their entire lives together? Felix held his head and felt tears watering up. It’s not as if he truly expected them to end up together like some sort of fairytale, but he expected better than this. He only wanted to hear it out of Dimitri’s mouth. 

He arrived at the wedding and watched the noble’s daughter walk down the aisle. Watched Dimitri say “I do” without the intense affection and emotion on his face that should have been there. Felt the immense jealousy welling up in his chest.  _ This is wrong. This is all wrong.  _ Watching those two wed wrecked the inner circuitry of his mind and left his mind bleeding. That was  _ his  _ Dimitri. When did he decide Dimitri was his? Whenever, it was too late because now he was another’s. 

The reception wasn’t any better. He sat with his old blue lions friends but they didn’t quite understand. They wanted him to be happy for Dimitri. He wasn’t happy. He could never be happy. He would mourn this for the rest of his life. He watched the royal party celebrate the king’s marriage. What a lie! He never loved her! There was someone else here. Felix’s mind contorted with dark emotions and he allowed himself to down drink after drink.

Late in the night, he wandered onto the terrace, where he surprisingly found the groom without his bride. Felix didn’t realize how drunk he was and he meandered over to Dimitri.

“You,” Felix demanded.

“Ah, Felix. This is the first I’ve seen of you this evening,” Dimitri responded.

Felix glared at Dimitri, not sober but still angry. “Felix, you’re drunk,”

“You, you should have chosen me,”

Dimitri’s mouth parted. His breath hitched. “You never explicitly stated that was an option,”

“Stupid Dimitri, marrying other people. I thought we were best friends,”

Dimitri only grew increasingly shocked. “Felix I…. Felix you could have  _ told _ me these things _.  _ You could have stopped the engagement.”

“Stupid,  _ boar, _ ” and tears began to drip out of his eyes.

“Oh, Felix,” Dimitri wrapped an arm around his waist. Felix, if only you knew how much I cared about you. 

“You chose….someone else,” Felix muttered.

“Yes... And now I wish I didn’t. I’m sorry, Felix. Maybe….Maybe in another life we could be together, happy and unbridled by our responsibilities.”

___________________

  
  


There’s a new transfer student and Felix really couldn’t care less. Depending on what he looked like, he’ll probably just end up with the preppy popular kids that Felix  _ hated _ . He doesn’t have many friends anyway, and he’d rather keep it that way. Felix is all about being authentic and listening to the music that has the best lyrics. Those fake posers don’t know anything about life. And so, he clearly ignored all the drama surrounding the transfer student and how hot he apparently was, because Felix preferred to be alone and with his thoughts. 

That night, back at home, his dad made a big deal about how they had new next-door neighbors and forced Felix to come with him and say hi. Felix sighed; he needed to fix his eyeliner. Why was his dad being all social anyways? They went next door and knocked and a teenage boy opened the door. 

“Is your family home? Here’s a moving gift,” Rodrigue handed the boy a box of cookies. “Welcome to the neighborhood,”

The blonde boy turned and looked at Felix. “Hey, I think you go to my school,”

Felix cursed that he had been unable to fix his eyeliner. “What an excellent chance for you two boys to bond,” Rodrigue told him. Felix glared. 

“I’ve never seen you before,” Felix spat.

“I just transferred today,” the boy told him, “My name’s Dimitri. I’m in 10th grade.” 

“Uh….I’m in 10th grade too. I’m Felix,” Felix frowned. He had to admit, the guy was hot, but he looked like a total jock. None of his business. “Well anyways. Bye.”

“Sorry about my son,” Rodrigue tried. 

“No it’s okay,” and Dimitri gave him a dazzling smile.

The next day at school was the usual. Felix was extremely unpopular and disliked. His childhood friends Ingrid and Sylvain sometimes talked to him, but they were both total jocks and airheads. Lately, he had been talking to a girl in theatre class named Bernadetta. Either way, Felix usually ate lunch alone. He grabbed his food and sat down in the corner by himself. After a couple of minutes, someone joined him. At first. Felix ignored the other body as someone having gotten lost but then he noticed they started eating. Felix looked up. It was Dimitri, his neighbor.

“Um, can I help you?”

“I just thought it would be nice to eat with you, especially since we’re neighbors,” Dimitri said, smiling.

“Go eat with your own kind,” Felix nearly hissed.

“Felix, your eyeliner is smudged,”

“What, oh my god! You should have told me sooner!” Felix took his phone mirror and glanced at his eyes. They were fine. “Very funny, dickface, hahaha,” Felix deadpanned. “What’s your real motive here?”

Dimitri finished chewing. “I just want to be your friend.”

“Because we live close together?”

“Because you’re interesting,”

Felix rolled his eyes. “Why should I be friends with you?”

“I like how you pretend to be really mean. And I think you’re cute,” Dimitri placed his chin in his hand and watched Felix explode.

“I don’t pretend to be - did you just call me? Never call me cute ever again!” A fuse in Felix’s brain short-circuited having a guy as hot as Dimitri call him cute and the audacity of it. His face immediately turned red as he struggled to find words. Dimitri took out his cell phone and found the new contact page. 

“Here,”

Felix was still pink. “It’s only so like….we can help each other with homework and stuff. I mean someone like you being friends with me?”

Dimitri immediately sent a text to Felix and watched him pick up his phone and check it.

[Dimitri] : let’s watch a movie tonight

This guy was  _ weird _ . But Felix wouldn’t be outdone. If Dimitri wanted to challenge him, he wouldn’t lose this battle. “Okay….. What did you have in mind?”

________________________________________

Bits, pieces, and shards of different lifetimes reverberated against one another. Felix doesn’t know if there’s any lifetime where he ends up happily with Dimitri or if it was all just a dream. He mourns him, he loves him, he worships him. He closed his eyes and the world is over. He’s falling, falling, falling through lifetimes of what happened and what could have been. All the possible cycles of Dimitri and him living out their lives together and the ties that bind them. All that happened and all that ever was. He’s falling and he doesn’t know if he’ll ever stop. He’s clawing for Dimitri, for a semblance of normalcy, of a real, solid chance at life with his truest love. He’s falling. And then he falls awake. 

....

....

....

There are fingers stroking through his long blue hair and a kiss or two or three places to his neck. Someone is greedy. Felix feels someone stirring him awake through relentless affection as he’s stuck in the abyss of dreamland. His eyes fluttered open like a newborn taking their first steps. Warmth, warmth of the bed he’s in and the blankets surrounding him, and most importantly, the body comforting him overtake him. The afternoon sunlight gathered into the windows in harmonious streaks. Felix knew those hands, those fingers, that humming and those lips pressing against his neck.

“Dima?” a shaky voice called out.

“Yes, dear?” Dimitri responded, and his voice is beautiful, deep, full of life, resplendent.

Felix turned over and found none other than Dimitri in bed with him. He doesn’t know why, but there are tears forming in his eyes and running down his cheeks.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” 

“I don’t know,” Felix cried out, the past only a dance in his memory and it’s a pirouette soon forgotten, a shadow that’s overcast and gone. He can’t remember anything - he only knows Dimitri is here with him now and holding him. “I think…. I had a bad dream,” 

Dimitri collected him in his arms and held Felix tight, stroking his hair and whispering gentle words. “Oh, Felix.”

“What if we weren’t together?” Felix asked. “What if, in other lifetimes, we were separated or we hated each other or we weren’t able to be together?” Felix nearly cried. 

“Oh Felix,” Dimitri told him soothingly, stroking his hair gently and wiping his tears, “there’s no life without you. I would always find you. I would always search for you. I would always find a way to make it work. Even if it took 95, or 100 lifetimes.” 

Felix curled deeper into Dimitri and let his tears fall freely, not knowing how, why, or what made him cry.

“I would always find you,”

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it! I've been thinking about this for a while! if you want to scream about dimilix on twitter with me I'm @blushingprince


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